Tall and slim, that's what I am!

Today, I went for my 9-month checkup with Doctor Silverman. I just want everyone to know, for the record, that I am officially becoming tall and slim. That's right folks; it is time to put the fat jokes to rest. I currently weigh 19 pounds and 15 ounces, which puts me in my lowest weight percentile since I was a week old, the 68th percentile. I am also 29 inches tall, which puts me in the highest percentile yet for my height, the 89th percentile. You heard me; as the percentages clearly show, I am officially tall and skinny. Cindy Crawford, eat your heart out baby! As icing on the cake, I no longer have a big head either, at least not as big as it was; my head circumference has dropped to the 62nd percentile, measuring in at 17.5 inches. Please, try to save your ohhs and ahhs for when you see me. I also want to let you all know that I have hit every expected milestone with flying colors, and I am even ahead of the average 9-month-old when it comes to finger foods and feeding myself; remember, we already put the fat jokes to bed. The doctor's visit wasn't all peaches and cream though. The mean nurse pricked my finger, which caused a delayed scream of pain lasting exactly two seconds until she put a band-aid on my finger, which was way too fascinating and tasty to warrant a continued fit. Doctor Silverman checked me from head to toe while I told him how I felt about such violations with my production 'Ode to Crying'. He said that I looked perfect but added that I was either saucy or feisty; I can't remember the exact adjective he used as I was too involved in telling him off. However, I have every right to be both saucy and feisty when I am being poked and prodded without my consent. Mom had to add fuel to his fire by telling him that in the last two days I have started yelling back at her when she tells me, "No". I usually listen to said, "No", with a look of sheer innocence on my face as shown in exhibit A, and I usually stop whatever it is that I am doing wrong, like trying to play with the dog toys, but I am not going to take it without letting her know that I do not agree with being told such things. In my defense, the dog toys really shouldn't be laying in a plush bed on the ground calling my name. I hope you know, Mom, that if I am already insisting on getting the last word, you are in deep trouble. Anyways, back to my doctor's visit, I continued my screaming and crying until Doctor Silverman left the room, - serves him right - and I thought I was in the clear until that mean nurse in tacky cartoon scrubs came back to abuse me, evidenced by the band aid on my leg. Thank goodness I only had to endure one shot this time; when DFCS is finally called regarding my multiple bruises, I am going to be sure to put in a complaint about Miss Tacky Nurse. When I finally got home, my band aid and I took out a few of our frustrations on the baby lotion bottle. I could have told everyone how perfect and on par I am without being tortured!

Moving on so as to forget my awful experience this morning, I would like to reminisce on the lovely weekend I had. I have gotten pretty good at pulling myself up onto my knees so that I can bang on the furniture and my musical center, and if one of the rents stands me up to play with a toy, I can stay in the position until I get bored. I probably covered the length of about a dozen football fields while crawling laps around my living room this weekend, hence the new slender physique. Having the coffee table out of my way is so convenient. On Friday, Mom and Dad took me out to dinner, during which I shot the 2-year-old boy next to me dirty looks. He was being so loud and immature that it was disrupting my peaceful dinner of butter noodles! On Saturday night, I got to go to a dinner party at Parker, Mrs. Joanne, and Mr. John's house. Parker had peas, for which she didn't seem to peased (get it), and I consumed as much garlic bread as I could, paying little attention to the "balanced" meal Mom was trying to force me to eat. Mom and Dad seemed to really enjoy the dinner that Mrs. Joanne made for them. Parker and I then enjoyed a little playtime; I hit her with her blow-up bat a couple of times, just to toughen her up. Parker has gotten so much older since we last hung out, and I have really missed her. I was very excited to see that she is pretty much sitting up on her own; now, if I can just teach her to crawl, we will be unstoppable. I included all of the pictures that my Mom took the other night in case Parker feels a great desire to decorate her room exclusively in pictures of the two of us, just an interior design suggestion. After being a little whinny due to the strange surroundings and staging a small protest, I fell asleep in the guest room so that Mommy and Daddy could have some grown-up time with Mrs. Joanne and Mr. John. By the way, congratulations on the new house; it is beautiful, and I cannot wait to get together again.

On Sunday, Dad and Mom drug me to the antique market where several antique...I mean old people admired my cheeks by making the totally overdone "she must never get fed" remarks. I know you people are old, but come on, use some creativity. I was even referred to as a boy by two not so observant old men; must be time to get new glasses because I was wearing all pink! So that the day wasn't a total wash, Aunt Mallory came over for dinner. She's pretty funny, and she must be funny looking because every time I see her, I try to attack her face with my mouth wide open. I can't help it; I feel a great need to bite her nose. After dinner, Aunt Mallory and I shared one of the mango, peach Popsicles that Mom made for me. When I say shared a Popsicle, I mean that I beat her with the Popsicle in between licks. I crack myself up! By the way, thanks for the cool Popsicle making kit, Grandma Purnell; the handles are perfect.

Today, my countdown to next weekend began with the ever so predictable Monday grocery shopping; I add my own flare to the weekly event by putting on a perfomance for fellow shoppers using the plastic produce bags. You can pay me later, Publix. Oh, let this tedious week pass quickly because I am spending next weekend at the lake with the Bickers, Throwers, Germanys, Lambs, and Guy. I can already feel my barely-there wisps of hair blowing in the wind as I cruise the lake on Bob and Deb's boat - only five days left...